Wednesday, March 3, 2010

sometimes it just totally sucks

ouch

I took this photo sitting on a bench in a shopping centre. I’d just been bitten by my son when I held his hand to cross the road. It really hurt and in the moments that followed I didn’t know how to react so I walked him to the nearest bench without saying a word, held back the tears and took a photo.

I can write about it now. It was some time ago. I’m not very good at talking about things as they happen or while they’re ‘raw’ for me. I’m better talking about things later - once its all better.

Loyalty is a quality that my teachers often remarked about on my report cards. An admirable trait but sometimes it doesn’t serve any favours. As a mother I often remain tight lipped about my children’s flaws – perhaps feeling that it would be a betrayal of them if I admitted that they weren’t perfect? None of us in this house is perfect. Not even close.

I’ve read many posts and comments out there in blogland which make parenting and motherhood sound so peachy-keen. That ‘bad’ days really aren’t that bad and in many ways just a quirky part of raising a family. Touch wood (I am incredibly superstitious you know) because we haven’t had a bad day around here in a while… but when they happen (and I know they’re certain to come again - life is so damn cyclical) it sucks. Totally sucks. There is nothing cute, endearing or quirky about it.

I just wanted to put that out there… into blogland.

24 comments:

  1. Ouch! Your son must be bigger than mine because he certainly has more teeth. But my boy bites, and it hurts. Thanks for sharing!

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  2. You could actually say that sometimes it just totally "bites". My oldest has lately started saying "sorry" appropriately. He says it a lot, and it's funny, but it does actually make me feel better.

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  3. Thanks for sharing Sally, I actually feel a lot better about myself, my abilities and my 'failures' when others admit they have tough times too! I know a lot of people like to keep up a brave, happy face as a way of coping with situations that are difficult, so I understand people keeping quiet - but I can't tell you the difference it makes to hear that even the 'best' mums have troubles too! Not in a mean way of course, just in 'aah, everyone is human' sort of way. Sending warm wishes to you and your little ones.

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  4. :( Sometimes, make that often of late, being a mum sucks.

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  5. Grrrrrrrr....What can you say other than its BLOODY HARD WORK!!! My two when through this and it was the pits. I can remember thinking that I should sue huggies for those dam fuzzy commercials!!

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  6. Poor Sally, that totally sucks and it looks really painful. Thanks for sharing honestly; it does help to know that you’re not the only Mum who struggles now and then. I bracing myself as I know a lot of the big struggles are still ahead of me….

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  7. Ah, lots of bad days happening around here of late. Each new day brings a hope of peace and family joy but alas, before breakfast, that hope has usually faded. Our oldest is nearly 7 and just trying out stealing food and a few lies here and there to see how that works for him. There is some devastation to having your offspring lie, cheat or steal (or bite) but then the realisation comes that they also need to learn that these things aren't acceptable and it is up to us to bear it while we teach them. That part of our job sucks big time though.

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  8. Leonie is right - it's damn hard work - the hardest, most unrelenting, often confusing and at times most unrewarding, job in the world.
    But it's for the rewarding times that we do it all - the moments when they say or do something so sweet that you can almost feel your hear melt.

    Doesn't make the bad times much easier I know but thanks for your honesty Sally - I think a bit more 'real' stuff from everyone would help relieve a lot of the 'mothering guilt' that we all carry at one time or another.

    I am very honest with all my friends who say stuff like "your girls are always so well-behaved" uh uh - no they are not!
    They are unkind to each other, rude to me and bossy and demanding like any other 3-4 year olds.
    Hope your day improves, and tomorrow doesn't totally suck for you.

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  9. Crikey, looks like your son has a good strong jaw on him. I totally get you though, sometimes when Cara does something, especially to another child I just want to crawl into a whole and hide. Thankfully though the good out weighs the bad and it is all about being a Mum, if our kids were perfect it would be pretty boring I reckon. xx

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  10. Wow - that is really an ouch!

    Sometimes it does suck. This parenting bizzo. Sometimes you think "What the hell did I get myself into here?!" but thankfully those times are few & far between... *knock on wood* and the love & happiness you receive back is like a drug. A good one. That numbs kidlet bites.

    xo

    Thanks for being honest. For sharing. For putting it 'out there'. You KNOW you're not alone!!!

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  11. Thanks for bravely blogging this. I've had a bite like that in recent weeks, as well as hits fairly frequently, from W who at age 3 knows exactly what he is doing. I try to be honest as a mother in my blog, but most of the time I just avoid talking about the mum part or focus on the amusing or acceptable 'bad bits' like mess. The reason I tend not to blog the really awful stuff is because in my post, it would unfortunately read '...and in response I screamed at him at top volume/whacked him on the head in a moment of anger/acted like a toddler myself and sulked in the room next door.' And those are actions about which I feel deeply ashamed.
    So, there you have it.

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  12. Jez-a-lou that looks sore. Parenting is the hardest thing ever and thanks for putting your tale out there. xxx

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  13. It's so true - there are times when it really does suck and it's not fun at all and I silently scream ... "I WANT MY LIFE BACK"! Thankfully, it's not that often and doesn't last long, but when it does happen, it really sucks. Thanks for sharing. Nic

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  14. I was so relieved years ago to hear a girlfriend, who I thought was the absolutely perfect, patient Mum, screaming at her kids. Wow! That was such a huge relief to know that I was not the only one not coping. Not that I advocate screaming but it appears we all lose it, more or less, and it helps to relieve the tension that ends up in those bad days if we know we don't have to have perfect children.

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  15. Ouch.I had forgotten about biting. I remember now. We are up to 7 and 9 here and are into trying out swearing, lying, nicking food and stealing lipstick...and the occasionally punch up!! Some new 'treasure behaviour' with each age and stage to deal with. With me, so so much depends on how I am going as to how I deal with it. Like Gina I have those (what I call) 0 to 10 moments (I go from 0 to 10 on the 'temper scale' in an instant) which I feel ashamed and frustrated with myself about later.
    Thanks for posting Sally, in makes the bloggy world good at 'peer support' and well as amazing crafty inspiration and other things.

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  16. Oh the 'dude what on earth were you thinking' moments. Neither of mine have been biters but Caleb punched me the other day in the too excited mode. I sometimes think it is easier to deal with the tanties you know are coming (no you can't have that or we have to leave) those unexpected ones are the worst! Honesty is always a breth of fresh air

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  17. Oh yeah parenting has its moments for sure. Yesterday afternoon I locked myself in my car for 10 minutes because I didn't know what to do or how to do it anymore. I felt like I had nothing left.
    I hope today has been better and that all these comments have made you feel normal (in a good way).
    Just think of the day way in the future when you show him this post and you both laugh about it.
    Much love to you. XX

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  18. Yep. Total sucky suck suckdom happens frequently around these parts. But some days are really the pits. Some days there's nothing for it but to hang in there, count the minutes to bedtime and hope like hell that tomorrow is new and different. Great post Mrs.

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  19. I hear you loud and clear - we seem to have days of good behaviour and then days of revolting behaviour! I am not sure why! My kids do things that shock and shame me too, and I am not sure what the best course of action is except to let your kid know how it feels to be hurt and move on.

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  20. Hi Sally Yes, my little one used to bite me (and only me!). And it does hurt. He doesn't any more thank goodness, but I assure you, it used to make me cry too. Thank you for sharing, I think too many of us mums suffer in silence, mistakenly believing that everyone else is doing it so much better than we are. We need to support each other in what is THE toughest job in the world! xx

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  21. While not everyone writes about the realities of parenting, as you can see here we all very much appreciate reading about it. It makes the job feel a little less bewildering and lonely. A little part of myself thinks that the people who paint the rosy picture of motherhood are either deluded or in denial ( ... clearly that's the cynical, uncharitable bit of me ... 5 years as SAHM was bound to do it!).

    I hope your poor hand feels a bit better soon. Take care - L x

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  22. Thanks for sharing Sally. I can only imagine how you felt that day. I've noticed with motherhood that most people don't feel comfortable with saying the really bad stuff...the stuff that leaves you feeling raw.

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  23. Great post Sally. Honesty is the most wonderful gift. I'm sure you've made a lot of people's day with this one.

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  24. Oh Sal ... I feel so sad seeing your bite mark. Please don't fret - the good and the bad of being a mother all balances out in the long run. No consolation now I know. Chin up gorgeous Sal ;)

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