Wednesday, November 30, 2011

bees do it

bees at work with the artichoke

I spoke with my father this morning. The good news is that the cancer has not spread from his prostate. Now he has to process all the information his doctor has given him and make a decision in regards to his treatment. He wasn’t very clear about all the information. I think he was still processing it all himself and needs some time to let it all sink in. He is a work-aholic who runs his own business and however he decides to proceed he is going to have to stop working for at least six weeks. Frankly I think he will struggle with this most of all. At this time though he is very positive. That’s his style. He is a glass half full kind-a person who speaks of “playing forward”. I assume playing forward is a cricket metaphor, I’m not really sure. It sounds positive though doesn’t it?

I don’t think I have had so many conversations about sex with my father in all my life as I have in this past month. Being that my father’s cancer is in his prostrate part of his consideration for treatment is the affect it will have on his sexual life. Residing in the bedroom next to my parent’s when I lived at home and was studying for my HSC I am well aware that my parents have “done it” more than twice (when they conceived my brother and I) and yet when my father first bought this topic up I was a little shocked. Maybe that is because I have three young children, the youngest of whom is only three months old, and my own sex life isn’t exactly raging at the moment. It does still exist but finding opportunities when we’re on our own and both awake can be a struggle! I’d forgotten that people out there probably manage to stay awake with their partners on a regular basis to engage in some intimate time. I am pleased to know that when I am as old as my folks I’ll still be into “it” – but I sort of knew that already from an awkward early morning moment with my paternal grandparents when I was a child.

All this talk about sexuality has got me thinking, whilst I know where it ends, where exactly does it begin? Is it holding hands or is actual physical contact not required at all? A moment of lingering eye contact? Is it an act at all or rather just the response it arouses within?

So that is where we find ourselves in my father’s cancer story. Feeling good that the cancer has not spread and reflecting on our sex lives.


  1. Gosh, Sal, you seem to had more than your fair share of exposure to your relatives doing the deed lol.

    Thankfully I have been spared that. On the flip side, my grandparents have been in separate beds (in separate rooms too) for years so I didn't have any expectation of hanky panky when I got older. Now I can change the goal posts ;)

    Glad that there is good news for your dad. "They" say that you can't prove a positive attitude helps you beat cancer but stuff "them"- I think that it can. May he keep playing forward.

    (Dad's cancer diagnosis never once led us into the direction of discussing sex lives I can happily say. He had melanomas on his balding head so we have discussed the impact on his baldness pattern. I guess that is the same)

  2. gee Sal- your grandparents? Awkward. Great that your dads cancer hasn't spread.

  3. Good news good news.

    YEs I undertand the results of the different treatments. But yes there is alternatives to just intercourse... Still all complicated and stuff to decide.

    Just pleased the news more good than not so good.

  4. Good news about your Dad. Playing it forward refers to: When batting, a striker may try to play a ball off his front foot, a good strategy against an over-pitched ball. When things are going tough you don't back off but move forward to meet them. Sounds very positive to me. Cherrie

  5. That's great news about your Dad Sal. Your Dad sounds like a great man and it's good for the two of you to be able to talk so openly together. I'm not sure how I would handle those sorts of conversations with my Dad, he's a man of few words. Take care and I'm glad to hear that things are sounding positive. xo

  6. Great news Sally.
    I was also one of those kids who was well aware her parents did it on more than two occasions.
    And 3 young children or not, much exposure or not, raging sex life or not it's always a bit weird talking with your parents about sex, especially dads I think.
    But as awkward as it is, but like you said it's nice to know you don't loose the drive when you're older and that my parents still after all this time want to be intimate xo
    PS remind me sometime I must tell you a funny story re me and my dad very relevant to this post!

  7. Great News Sal about ya Dad, he still has a way to go tho, will say a little pray that it will only be six weeks out.

    Glad your parents are still together and 'doin it' ;)

  8. So pleased to hear the news about your Dad Sal!

    I have to admit, I'm with many of the others re the grandparents.. eek!

    Hah, the word verification is 'frang' - quite fitting if you added an 'er'

  9. Love your boldness Sal. Not a prude, are you?I'm so glad my own dad didn't venture into these issues when he was going through treatment, I the cancer is contained. I assume that means he'll have a little while before treatment needs to be settled on. Dad found brachytherapy really good, non-intrusive, felt fine physically. I think their sex life is still the same!!

    As for three kids and sex lives... this is where we find early morning ABC TV comes in handy :)

  10. That is great news about your dad Sal. It is hard to make big decisions like that but at least he can talk openly about it all. My dad tells me some things sometimes and I have to admit its a need to know sort of I didn't need to know! Where does the line in the sand get drawn? Lets hope our kids can be as open with us....

  11. That is great news about your Dad. It must be such a relief at least having some more info after the shock of the initial diagnosis. I love that you can talk about all these things wth your Dad. Hope all goes well from here.


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