Today my father told me that he had cancer. He didn’t actually use the “c” word. I had to say that for him. “So you’ve got cancer” I said somewhat stunned down the phone line. It is big news, only a couple of hours old to me. There is a lot happening in my mind, it is busy and yet foggy. My heart at the moment of disclosure felt like a heavy rock and yet now my insides feel hollow and void – like there is a big empty space inside of me.
It is the start of something. Something that at this time is unknown. There will be more tests and scans later in the week and more news of options and treatments next week. Just now I think we’re all just processing. What exactly does this mean?
My father has always been one to talk in clichés. He speaks positively but it is apparent that there is so much that he isn’t saying.
I am scared.
Today a large package of yarn was put on my door step. It is filled with luscious cotton yarns from the Bendigo Woollen Mills. I bought the yarn so that I could hook my youngest boy a beautiful ripple cot blanket.
Tonight I will start.